I made The Pioneer Woman's Oatmeal Crispies the other day - they were SUPER easy to make, and everyone who tried them has loved them :)
So much so, that they are all gone already ;) I guess I COULD make some more ;)
And yes, I found the recipe in my new cookbook that my dear Mother-in-love gave me for Christmas :) I absolutely love it!
So obviously this blogging every day thing hasn't stuck. But maybe once a week - or a few times a week? We'll see what happens ;)
Yesterday would have been my mom's 56th birthday. I can't even begin to explain how much I miss her. She wasn't just my mom - she was my best friend. She was always on my side - even if I was wrong, she would tell me what she thought and still stand by my side. She loved me unconditionally. She was such a woman of God. Her relationship with Him was so unique, so personal, she was in love with Him. I found out today that the last person that she witnessed to passed away. I'm not sure if he ever made peace with Jesus Christ or not, but my heart hurts for his family - especially the kids he helped to raise, and loved as his own.
It makes me remember that life is short. Enjoy every moment. Know where you're going to spend eternity - know for sure. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul and your mind. Love Him.
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Dress Revisited - a few years later
I wrote this a few years ago, and it came to mind today. Probably the best thing I've ever written. I still have it....
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2009
The Dress
I have this dress. It really was quite simple. Black with white piping along the edges. A wrap dress that tied on the side. I considered this to be my "little black dress" for many years. Whenever I was feeling gross about myself I knew i could always put it on and make myself feel fabulous.
I remember the first time that I wore it. I paired it with black fishnet hose, these adorable round toe heels with a delicate bow. I curled my hair - something that I rarely do. I wore it to a church that I was visiting in the fall of 2003. I'm not going to lie, I looked good.
I've worn this dress many times between the first time and the last time. But I don't know if I'll ever wear it again, although I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get rid of it.
You see this is the same dress I wore with several masks. The "I'll be ok" mask, the "She's in a better place" mask. The "God has his plans" mask. The mask of the person who "keeps the family together." The mask of the "strong person" in the family. I wore so many masks at that point in my life - did I ever stop to really be me and wonder how am "I" going to get through this?
I wore that dress as I welcomed people from every stage of her life. I wore it as I sat on the front row with my siblings. I wore it as all her children (including me) got up and sang a song together - something she always wanted us to do. I wore it as friends and family said goodbye. I wiped more tears on that dress that day than I've ever cried before. I wore it while we stood around in the snow at the cemetery. I wore it while we ate dinner at the church I grew up in. I wore it as my uncles started to sing songs after the dinner - I remember HAVING to join them. She would have loved that.
And then that night I took it off. That day I wasn't looking so good.
I have worn that dress only one time after her funeral, and it was awful. All I could do is remember that cold day in December. Something I don't wish to re-live any time soon.
The dress still hangs in my closet, and every once in a while I run my hand across it when looking for something to wear and the memories come flooding back. I probably will never wear it again. It was a good dress. A dress I loved.
But I loved her more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Today is 4 years without my mom. I remember 4 years ago today so clearly. After being at the Hospice care center for almost a week I felt the need THAT DAY to sit and hold my mom's hand ALL.DAY.LONG. and so I did. While I sat there I talked to her. I let her know that I loved her more than words could ever say. I sat and read a book that the Hospice center provided about an ardvark having to say goodbye to a friend (I think), and I took a nap - all while holding my momma's hand. Then around 9p.m. a nurse came in and checked my mom out - for some reason I remember her looking at my mom's ankles. She then re-assured me that it would still be a few days, and told me to go home and get a good nights sleep (I had been sleeping on a couch, a bean-bag, the floor - wherever I could fall asleep at the hospice center). So I went home and as soon as I laid down the phone rang, and it was my aunt telling me that my mom had went home. It was 11:06 p.m. We drove back to the hospice center - we were one of the last to arrive since we were the farthest away. We joined the rest of the family that was there. We gathered around her body and all held hands and sang songs of praise to our Great God. I don't think anyone wanted to say goodbye to her. I *think* I was the first to go and give her one last kiss on the cheek - and then I left the room. It was and still is the hardest night of my life.
I remember the first time that I wore it. I paired it with black fishnet hose, these adorable round toe heels with a delicate bow. I curled my hair - something that I rarely do. I wore it to a church that I was visiting in the fall of 2003. I'm not going to lie, I looked good.
I've worn this dress many times between the first time and the last time. But I don't know if I'll ever wear it again, although I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get rid of it.
You see this is the same dress I wore with several masks. The "I'll be ok" mask, the "She's in a better place" mask. The "God has his plans" mask. The mask of the person who "keeps the family together." The mask of the "strong person" in the family. I wore so many masks at that point in my life - did I ever stop to really be me and wonder how am "I" going to get through this?
I wore that dress as I welcomed people from every stage of her life. I wore it as I sat on the front row with my siblings. I wore it as all her children (including me) got up and sang a song together - something she always wanted us to do. I wore it as friends and family said goodbye. I wiped more tears on that dress that day than I've ever cried before. I wore it while we stood around in the snow at the cemetery. I wore it while we ate dinner at the church I grew up in. I wore it as my uncles started to sing songs after the dinner - I remember HAVING to join them. She would have loved that.
And then that night I took it off. That day I wasn't looking so good.
I have worn that dress only one time after her funeral, and it was awful. All I could do is remember that cold day in December. Something I don't wish to re-live any time soon.
The dress still hangs in my closet, and every once in a while I run my hand across it when looking for something to wear and the memories come flooding back. I probably will never wear it again. It was a good dress. A dress I loved.
But I loved her more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Today is 4 years without my mom. I remember 4 years ago today so clearly. After being at the Hospice care center for almost a week I felt the need THAT DAY to sit and hold my mom's hand ALL.DAY.LONG. and so I did. While I sat there I talked to her. I let her know that I loved her more than words could ever say. I sat and read a book that the Hospice center provided about an ardvark having to say goodbye to a friend (I think), and I took a nap - all while holding my momma's hand. Then around 9p.m. a nurse came in and checked my mom out - for some reason I remember her looking at my mom's ankles. She then re-assured me that it would still be a few days, and told me to go home and get a good nights sleep (I had been sleeping on a couch, a bean-bag, the floor - wherever I could fall asleep at the hospice center). So I went home and as soon as I laid down the phone rang, and it was my aunt telling me that my mom had went home. It was 11:06 p.m. We drove back to the hospice center - we were one of the last to arrive since we were the farthest away. We joined the rest of the family that was there. We gathered around her body and all held hands and sang songs of praise to our Great God. I don't think anyone wanted to say goodbye to her. I *think* I was the first to go and give her one last kiss on the cheek - and then I left the room. It was and still is the hardest night of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)